We are in for a bumpy ride!! I have never been fond of roller coasters. the few that I have been brave enough to ride made me nauseous and gave me a headache. Parents that have adopted told us to be prepared for the roller coaster that is adoption, but how could we prepare for the extreme highs and lows, the sudden stops and total 180s, and the whiplash we have felt so far on our journey.

By the end of February we had shown our profile to about 5 prospective birth moms and each time we would pray that they would choose us to adopt their baby. There was a nervous excitement in the air as we would wait the few days until we heard back from our consultant. I would check my email constantly waiting for the news. Each time we would find out that we were not chosen. While it was disappointing we continued to trust God in the process, he already knew who our baby was and this closed door just meant that we were closer to our child.

Then on February 22nd we received a profile for a birth mom from Florida, I will call “J”, that we were very excited about. I instantly felt a connection to J, who mentioned her love of all things crafty and her Nana. We asked to submit our profile for her to view and then prayed and waited. On the 25th we got a phone call from a Florida number we didn’t know, Josh took the call and immediately found me in our den. He said, “You are going to want to hear this”. The women on the phone said that J had chosen us as her adoptive family. We couldn’t believe it!! Both of us had the biggest smiles on our faces! We listened to her case worker as she let us know that J was very early in her pregnancy (just at 12 weeks) and that she would like us to come to her ultrasound appointment the next week and meet her. After the appointment and if everyone still felt good about moving forward we would enter into our adoption agreement.

We began to share our news with friends and family, who were beyond excited for us. We wanted to bring J a special gift when we met her so over the weekend Josh and I worked together to make a fleece knot blanket with her favorite colors, praying as we cut and tied the fleece. Her caseworker was also trying to set up a phone call with all of us but J had a bad cold and and it kept being put off. She was sending texts to us through the caseworker and in those texts she gave us more information about her family and where she is from.

So of course I took to the internet to see if I could find a picture of her. We don’t get to see any photos in the profile we receive from her. After a little internet sleuthing (thank you Catfish for my skills) I found her!! You know how they say that once something is online it’s there forever…we found out that was true. Sadly we uncovered some information that J hadn’t been forthcoming about in her profile. It raised some concerns with us regarding the health of the baby. We didn’t know what to do. Josh and I had many lengthy conversations about how to move forward. We prayed and sought counsel. Ultimately we decided that we didn’t feel comfortable pursuing the match with J.

We had just been at the top of the roller coaster and now it seemed we were plummeting toward the bottom. All in the matter of days. We were mourning the loss of this match but we both felt a sense of peace after the decision was made. Our faith and trust in God’s plan for our adoption is what continues to carry us through, that and our amazing community.

In the middle of our story with J there was a glimmer of hope…more on that another time.

Prayer Requests:

• For our hearts as we navigate this process
• For wisdom as we make decisions
• For trust in God’s plans